VIRUS ALERT
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If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty.
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It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
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It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards.
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It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.
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It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
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It will program your phone AutoDial to call only your mother-in-law's
number.
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This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
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It will drink all your beer.
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It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company.
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Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.
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It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.
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It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
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It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.
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It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to
passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences.
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If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
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It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and
pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
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It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam.
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It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to
smell like dill pickles.
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It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
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These are just a few signs of infection.
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PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!
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bjohnstone@cardinal.co.nz
Virus Alert !!!! ;-)
Moderator: Chad